This post is an honest account of a new mom and breastfeeding.
If you missed Part 1 and Part 2, catch up here and here.
It's been over a month since I posted Part 1 and Part 2 about breastfeeding. I didn't intend to post a Part 3, but the last couple of weeks have been very hard and I realized, I am probably not the only one. So let's support each other.
As I mentioned in Part 2, Aria is gaining weight (or I should say not gaining weight), at an incredibly slow rate. At her 6 month check-up, she weighed 11 lbs, 10 oz. (I was informed that if there was something smaller than 1 percentile, we'd be in that category.) At a doctor appointment 2 weeks ago to check for ear infection because of a lot of extra crying and fussiness, she weighed 11 lbs, 10 oz. Exactly 1 month later, she had not gained a single ounce.
Aria nurses 5 times a day (every 3 hours, and I usually have to make her eat because she's not ready yet), and eats fruits/veggies/cereal 2 times a day. She chows down on the solid food, eating more than a serving at each meal.
When she nurses, it has been very frustrating. My letdown seems to be taking longer than in the previous months, and she is not patient when there is other things she would rather be doing. She eats for 3-4 minutes, pulls away and cries. I switch sides and the whole process repeats. I don't know if my milk supply is not enough for her, I don't know if she's full and telling me no more, I don't know if something else is bothering her... ugh.
I've tried all sorts of things to help the situation. I've spent several days pumping right after she finished eating to help boost supply (I usually got 5-10 DROPS of milk...). We've experimented with positions. We've experimented with quiet locations. I've tried, unsuccessfully, to get ahold of our lactation consultant for the last week. It all sucks...
I'm ready to throw in the towel. No more stressing out about feeding her while I'm not with her (getting a bottle takes 3-5 pumpings). No more worrying about feeding her out and about. No more wondering if she's getting enough.
And I feel guilty about quitting... I don't know what to do.
What did you do?
XO!
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
4.15.2013
3.07.2013
Breastfeeding is Hard, Part 2
This post is an honest account of a new mom and breastfeeding.
If you missed Part 1, catch up here.
There are a lot of pros to breastfeeding. I found this link: Timeline of a Breastfed Baby which I liked referring to during my moments of doubt to remember that I am doing something wonderful for my daughter. My favorite part, especially during the first 2 months: You’ve probably heard the delicious fact that breastfeeding uses up the fat stores you laid down in pregnancy. The greatest weight loss is seen in the three to six month period (Moody et al). You’ve just hit the start of this uber fat-burning period.
Aria went through a colic period during our first 3 months together. It was A LOT of painful crying, no pooping, and hours and hours of screaming. Chloe did not have this, so my first thought was "it's my breast milk!" We went to the lactation consultant twice, the doctor many times, I cut things out of my diet, all in an attempt to help her. Nothing helped. I was ready to throw in the towel again and try formula because in exasperation I knew she MUST be allergic to my milk. Everyone we talked to that had any sort of authority on the subject told us to continue breastfeeding, it would only get worse with formula. Speaking only as a mother who has gone through this, keep breastfeeding! We did give her formula a couple of times to test our hypothesis, and it made the pain and crying intensify.
Everyone's willing to talk about the pros but there are cons to breastfeeding.
If you missed Part 1, catch up here.
There are a lot of pros to breastfeeding. I found this link: Timeline of a Breastfed Baby which I liked referring to during my moments of doubt to remember that I am doing something wonderful for my daughter. My favorite part, especially during the first 2 months: You’ve probably heard the delicious fact that breastfeeding uses up the fat stores you laid down in pregnancy. The greatest weight loss is seen in the three to six month period (Moody et al). You’ve just hit the start of this uber fat-burning period.
Aria went through a colic period during our first 3 months together. It was A LOT of painful crying, no pooping, and hours and hours of screaming. Chloe did not have this, so my first thought was "it's my breast milk!" We went to the lactation consultant twice, the doctor many times, I cut things out of my diet, all in an attempt to help her. Nothing helped. I was ready to throw in the towel again and try formula because in exasperation I knew she MUST be allergic to my milk. Everyone we talked to that had any sort of authority on the subject told us to continue breastfeeding, it would only get worse with formula. Speaking only as a mother who has gone through this, keep breastfeeding! We did give her formula a couple of times to test our hypothesis, and it made the pain and crying intensify.
Everyone's willing to talk about the pros but there are cons to breastfeeding.
- The feeling (and reality) that all you do is nurse. It can be as often as every 2 hours. So by the time you're done feeding and changing the diaper, you have maybe 30-40 minutes before you start all over again.
- Having a new baby is exhausting. There are no extra long naps or sleeping through the night while someone else feeds the baby.
- Pumping is a pain in the ***. Getting everything out and ready, sitting there holding bottles, cleaning everything... ugh.
- There is no sure-fire way to see how much milk your baby is getting. Pumping gives you an idea of how much he/she may be getting but even the best pump is not as efficient as a baby's mouth.
- There can still be times nursing hurts, even 6 months in. Everything I read about breastfeeding has told me "If it hurts, you're doing it wrong". I have learned through experience, even if you're doing it right, it can/will still hurt sometimes.
- It it not always convenient to nurse. Smashed between a car seat and booster seat with a wiggly preschooler makes it nearly impossible for a comfortable feeding for you or the babe, but it's reality. (I see nothing wrong with a mother who is nursing her baby in public, but I am not one of those people)
- The weight that you put on during pregnancy does not always melt right off if you breastfeed. Sometimes, breastfeeding does not affect the amount of or speed that weight comes off - it takes hard work. I did not lose the weight any faster than Chloe, and I had to work out a lot more this time.
- Every baby poops. Breastfed babies are supposed to poop after every feeding. That doesn't always happen and you fear that something is terrible wrong. Breastfed babies can go a week without pooping, which is a rude awakening when they start cereal and begin going multiple times a day. (Aria pooped about once a week for the first 6 months and we were reassured every few days that she was fine for the first few months.)
- Getting on a schedule feels impossible. Breastfeeding is an on-demand job. You can get there, but it takes fooooorrreeevvvvveeerrrr. (And it will change every few days to a week.)
- Hugging anyone for the first month or two (or maybe three) hurts.
- The risk of a blocked milk duct and/or mastitis.
- The feeling of judgement if you decide to stop breastfeeding for any reason (convenience, pain, schedule, pumping, whyever).
Aria is gaining weight at a painfully slow rate, which leaves me questioning almost daily if she's getting enough to eat and should I start supplementing with formula. I have had a blocked milk duct which is a painful reminder of the everything you've been through so far. Aria is getting to the point of becoming easily distracted by things around her while eating so she pulls back, causing me to shriek out as she twists and bites at the same time. It's still difficult to leave her for any length of time; it takes 2-3-4 pumping sessions to get enough milk for 1 bottle.
What I've learned through my experience so far... breastfeeding is hard. It's not for everyone. It's OK if it's not for you. It's OK if you struggle through it. I know I am.
I know I'm not alone... right?
XO!
3.03.2013
Breastfeeding is Hard, Part 1
This post is an honest account of a new mom and breastfeeding.
When I was pregnant with Chloe, I was very unprepared for a lot. Some of it may have had to do with the surprise of her and the denial of me throughout almost 7 months of pregnancy. I was very on the fence about breastfeeding before her arrival (but I mostly mean I was leaning on the fence and standing on the 'no way' side). And this is more honest that I've ever admitted out loud... I was scared the hubby (who wasn't the hubby then) wouldn't find me desirable after watching me feeding someone out of my boob. Selfish, immature, naive. I gave it a shot though. It wasn't a "I really want to do this and make it work" kind of shot, it was a "I don't want anyone to think I'm a bad mom if I don't do this" shot. Selfish, immature, naive. It lasted maybe 5 days... maybe 4, and I hated it.
Becoming a stay-at-home mom with Aria meant losing an income into our family. Formula is expensive. I knew breastfeeding was going to be more of a necessity this time around and I had grown into mother hood enough to know that I could do this, probably.
In case you didn't know, there are not lactation consultants available to you at the hospital during Labor Day weekend. I relied on memory of what the consultant told me with Chloe, the nurse that got stuck working on the holiday weekend who was not overly friendly/helpful, and instinct. I was very conscious of her latch, I was generous with the Lanolin ointment and it still HURT. Day 2-5 is by far the worse. By day 2, I was cracked and bleeding. It was turning into the same story as Chloe. We went home from the hospital on Sunday, I was ready to quit Monday. Part of my milk supply and settled into into a gland under my armpit, causing a huge, painful lump. I was still cracked and raw, even after using Lanolin ointment after every feeding. I was engorged. I was done. I had a breast pump from Chloe that was not expressing any milk and hurt equally bad as nursing. (It got to the point where I was sitting on the toilet seat, crying, holding a bottle and hand-expressing - think similar to milking a cow - to have some relief, any relief.)
My mother-in-law is pro-breastfeeding and wanted it to work out for us this time. On Monday, while I was nursing Aria, for what I expected to be the last time, she was driving the 40 minutes into Target to pick up a "good" pump and nipple shield.
When I was pregnant with Chloe, I was very unprepared for a lot. Some of it may have had to do with the surprise of her and the denial of me throughout almost 7 months of pregnancy. I was very on the fence about breastfeeding before her arrival (but I mostly mean I was leaning on the fence and standing on the 'no way' side). And this is more honest that I've ever admitted out loud... I was scared the hubby (who wasn't the hubby then) wouldn't find me desirable after watching me feeding someone out of my boob. Selfish, immature, naive. I gave it a shot though. It wasn't a "I really want to do this and make it work" kind of shot, it was a "I don't want anyone to think I'm a bad mom if I don't do this" shot. Selfish, immature, naive. It lasted maybe 5 days... maybe 4, and I hated it.
Becoming a stay-at-home mom with Aria meant losing an income into our family. Formula is expensive. I knew breastfeeding was going to be more of a necessity this time around and I had grown into mother hood enough to know that I could do this, probably.
In case you didn't know, there are not lactation consultants available to you at the hospital during Labor Day weekend. I relied on memory of what the consultant told me with Chloe, the nurse that got stuck working on the holiday weekend who was not overly friendly/helpful, and instinct. I was very conscious of her latch, I was generous with the Lanolin ointment and it still HURT. Day 2-5 is by far the worse. By day 2, I was cracked and bleeding. It was turning into the same story as Chloe. We went home from the hospital on Sunday, I was ready to quit Monday. Part of my milk supply and settled into into a gland under my armpit, causing a huge, painful lump. I was still cracked and raw, even after using Lanolin ointment after every feeding. I was engorged. I was done. I had a breast pump from Chloe that was not expressing any milk and hurt equally bad as nursing. (It got to the point where I was sitting on the toilet seat, crying, holding a bottle and hand-expressing - think similar to milking a cow - to have some relief, any relief.)
My mother-in-law is pro-breastfeeding and wanted it to work out for us this time. On Monday, while I was nursing Aria, for what I expected to be the last time, she was driving the 40 minutes into Target to pick up a "good" pump and nipple shield.
Both of these were lifesavers. The shield provided enough relief from the suction of Aria's mouth to allow the skin to heal, while still allowing her to receive milk. (It still hurt, but was manageable.) I used it on the worst side for 1 full day, then every other feeding, than only if it was really sore, and by 4 days I no longer needed it. The pump did not hurt while it was pumping (A good pump should NOT hurt!) and expressed enough milk to remove the intense pressure and give back the feeling of softness to my breast. Between these two "tools" I successfully made it through the first week and what is deemed "the hardest part" of breastfeeding.
That doesn't mean it got easier.
Part 2 coming soon...
XO!
1.08.2013
Working Out
If you remember my breakdown of not fitting into my clothes 10 weeks after giving birth (catch up here) I bucked up my attitude and hit the gym. (My gym looks a lot like my living room with a Wii controller in my hand and Jillian Michaels yelling at me via Biggest Loser). I started keeping track of everything I put in my mouth via MyNetDiary's iPhone app. And drum roll please....
I lost 46 pounds from August 31st - December 18th! AND MY JEANS FIT!!
Since then... we've been through the holidays and a nasty cold for both myself and C. I hate that I have to confess I am back up 5-6 pounds on the average day and I haven't even turned the Wii on for 2.5 weeks. While watching The Biggest Loser today on DVR, I have given myself a challenge that I will continue to add to each week throughout this season.
This week's challenge - begin entering all of my food and drinks into MyNetDiary again. When I began doing this in November, it wasn't in an attempt to cut calories but in an attempt to recognize how many things I was nibbling on throughout the day that I wasn't thinking about or aware of even. It was surprising how many times I opted out of eating the cookie I really wanted because I didn't want to see the number of calories added to my daily total - I hope it was have the same effect this time around!
Anyone out there want to join me in my challenge?
Until next time... XO!
11.14.2012
Closet Overhaul
It's been 10 weeks since Aria was born... 10 weeks! ... and I still don't fit into my jeans. UGH.
I have 1 pair of jeans that have always been very big and (I can't believe I'm saying this but..) they are the only jeans I've been wearing for nearly 10 weeks. Ridiculous.
In other clothing news... I am also having trouble feeling comfortable in any of my shirts (not size comfortable, but how my body looks). My typical days includes throwing on another T-shirt and my only pair of jeans, take Chloe to school, come home and switch to sweatpants, repeat to pick her up. I hate that.
I hate it so much in fact that this is what I spent today doing:
I emptied every drawer, every hanger, every laundry basket (after a laundry spree, it's all clean expect for what I was currently wearing - small victory around here). I sorted all of it into piles - T-shirts, tanks/camis, sweats, sweaters, skirts, etc.
Then came the hard part. I put on every shirt I own and made an impulsive decision to keep or toss.
First came tank tops and cami's... most of them are for under things so it was fairly easy decision - if they fit they stayed. The left is the starting pile, the right is the keepers.
I have 1 pair of jeans that have always been very big and (I can't believe I'm saying this but..) they are the only jeans I've been wearing for nearly 10 weeks. Ridiculous.
In other clothing news... I am also having trouble feeling comfortable in any of my shirts (not size comfortable, but how my body looks). My typical days includes throwing on another T-shirt and my only pair of jeans, take Chloe to school, come home and switch to sweatpants, repeat to pick her up. I hate that.
I hate it so much in fact that this is what I spent today doing:
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| With the exception of a few pairs of jeans that I know don't fit yet... this is all of my clothes, so sad |
I emptied every drawer, every hanger, every laundry basket (after a laundry spree, it's all clean expect for what I was currently wearing - small victory around here). I sorted all of it into piles - T-shirts, tanks/camis, sweats, sweaters, skirts, etc.
Then came the hard part. I put on every shirt I own and made an impulsive decision to keep or toss.
First came tank tops and cami's... most of them are for under things so it was fairly easy decision - if they fit they stayed. The left is the starting pile, the right is the keepers.
Next came T-shirts... my most embarrassing pile. Almost all of these shirts were from high school/college or free. (Am I the only one who feels obligated to keep stupid shirts because they were free and ya never know when you may need a shirt to paint in or... lounge in... or...)
My most dramatic cutting by far. Left is toss, right is keep.
I went through sweaters
I widdled down the sweatshirts and sweatpants by several pairs and discovered a couple more pairs of jeans that fit I had stored away when I started wearing maternity clothes (Happy Day!)
By the end of my painful task, I realized several things.
- I have mostly black or white clothing... I have no idea why
- I do not stop and think about clothing purchases for long enough. I had many pieces of clothing that I know I haven't liked since day 1, but continued to fold them and put them away.
- I love (HATE) Pinterest for making me so self-conscious about my wardrobe with all of there cute outfits pins.
- Time to go shopping and hope for better and longer lasting decisions.
Do you have troubles with hating your clothing or is it just my post-baby (won't go back to where it was - damn second pregnancy body)?
Until next time... XO!
9.07.2012
Preeclampsia
How's this for a bit of drama..
Short hours after posting about my beautiful new baby, I was rushed to the ER with blood pressure of 172/100. (as someone who has never understood how blood pressure works, I was less concerned than it seemed everyone else was at first).
So here I sit, in a hospital room again waiting for the medicine to work its magic and let me return to my family at home.
We were informed by the doctor shortly after arriving that preeclampsia is a condition many pregnant women get that involved high blood pressure but usually corrects itself after delivery. I have to go off the charts and get it AFTER delivery with no other preexisting conditions, and frankly... They don't really have any idea why I have this.
12 hours of magnesium sulfate IV, 3 blood pressure pills and a little bit of rest later, I feel shaky with a terrible headache, stressed to the max about my girls, and more tired than I felt after our first night home with Aria. Good note, my BP is down to 130/80... Still high for me, but I'm out of the seizure high levels for now.
And maybe I can go home soon...ish.
Until then.. XO
Short hours after posting about my beautiful new baby, I was rushed to the ER with blood pressure of 172/100. (as someone who has never understood how blood pressure works, I was less concerned than it seemed everyone else was at first).
So here I sit, in a hospital room again waiting for the medicine to work its magic and let me return to my family at home.
We were informed by the doctor shortly after arriving that preeclampsia is a condition many pregnant women get that involved high blood pressure but usually corrects itself after delivery. I have to go off the charts and get it AFTER delivery with no other preexisting conditions, and frankly... They don't really have any idea why I have this.
12 hours of magnesium sulfate IV, 3 blood pressure pills and a little bit of rest later, I feel shaky with a terrible headache, stressed to the max about my girls, and more tired than I felt after our first night home with Aria. Good note, my BP is down to 130/80... Still high for me, but I'm out of the seizure high levels for now.
And maybe I can go home soon...ish.
Until then.. XO
8.27.2012
It tastes so bittersweet... preschool today.
Today was the big day! Chloe's first day of 3 year old preschool. Something I've been preparing myself for since she was born... something I completely changed my mind about last night and wanted to keep her home forever.
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And when it came time for goodbye... my brave little girl... cried and screamed :-( Worst mom award as I walked out and left her there!
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Chloe has also been through a range of emotions over the last few weeks about going to school, but woke up READY TO GO!
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| Working on seat work |
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| Chloe and her teacher |
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| Social circle time |
P.S.... Now that the first day of preschool has come and gone, let's get this baby outta here!
8.20.2012
Crying Wolf
Although I'm over 37 weeks pregnant and more than ready to meet this little bundle... I'm not one of those people who like to use pregnancy as an excuse to not do something or complain about the aches and pains [insert big lie here].
I really really try not to complain about it, but I have to say... 2nd pregnancy sucks! I was pregnant with Chloe 4 years ago, at the ripe age of 23, and maybe my younger body was capable of handling such reactions but this time around, my poor ol' torso is feeling the pain inside and outside. I have been experiencing some pretty nasty "Braxton Hicks" contractions for a few weeks now and have been certain, at least 3 times, that this little girl was going to make her appearance. On Thursday, I was so certain that I drug my hubby home from work early with 6 minute intervals and made him pack up the car and drive me right on down to the hospital... to be patted on the leg and sent straight home until they "became more regular and intense". (Don't they know that I'm not making these things up?!)
So since Thursday... after my embarrassing 3rd "This is it!" moment, I have decided to keep my mouth shut, to anyone who asks about the pains, aches, contractions and uncomfortableness. Don't get me wrong... they still hurt and come more frequently than I want, but I hate being the poor miserable pregnant girl who is continually crying wolf. Next time... it will be for real!
Until then... XO
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